


Lying while Transparent

by kiribakukinnie



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Eventual Happy Ending, Feelings Realization, Fluff and Angst, Love Confessions, Lying about feelings, M/M, Mentions of homophobia, Pining, i am bad at writing thoughts, idk how to tag this, slow burn??? i think, takeda is so concerned, ukai is bad at hiding feelings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:15:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28497438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiribakukinnie/pseuds/kiribakukinnie
Summary: Ukai realizes his feelings for his colleague, Takeda, and deals with the tortures of pining.
Relationships: Takeda Ittetsu/Ukai Keishin
Kudos: 23





	1. Slightly In-Love

**Author's Note:**

> minor TW for mentions of homophobia, also minor swearing cause c’mon it’s ukai

Ukai grew up with quite conservative family. Ukai was always one for rebellion, so his family weren’t the biggest fans of him, but they still tolerated him. He was at least useful at the shop. However, if they found out Ukai wasn’t straight, they would have a riot. Probably fire him from the store and never speak to him again. He’s seen it happen before, so it could definitely happen to him. 

Ukai was fairly good at hiding it, since he was still somewhat attracted to women, but he still most definitely liked men. Like, a lot. He had tried expressing himself without actually coming out, like dying his hair, getting piercings, and stuff like that, but nothing really satisfied him.

The reason he didn’t want to go back to Karasuno was also partly because of his sexuality. Seeing the old gym, hallways, and especially the club room would awaken memories he definitely did not want to experience again. Hell, the club room was where he first had an “experience” with a guy, and it sure did open his eyes a bit. Scared him half to death, though. It felt amazing, of course, but the thought of actually being queer put a weight on his shoulders. He was an ashamed, embarrassed, and scared teenager. Those memories were not fun. 

He still came back, and became the coach of the new Karasuno Volleyball Team, as the New Coach Ukai. He made a promise to himself that day, one he would make an effort to keep:

He would not be a source of fear for these kids, but rather someone who they could come to for anything. Especially if they were going through the same thing he was. 

“...right, Ukai-kun?” Shit, he was spacing out. He didn’t even hear what was being said to him. 

“Huh? Oh, sorry, I was spacing out a bit, what’d you say?” Ukai asked, embarrassed. God, he seemed like a total heathen compared to the faculty advisor standing next to him. 

“It’s no problem. Anyway, the kids have been improving quite a bit, right Ukai-kun?” Takeda asked again, sweetly. He was always so proud of the team, it was almost adorable. 

“Yeah, everything seems to be working out great. We still need to work on not getting into fights 24/7” Ukai laughed, looking down at Takeda-sensei. He has grown a lot since the start of the year, when he had recruited Ukai to be the coach. Not physically, of course, but he’s much more knowledgeable about Volleyball now. 

Ukai was making his way to his apartment, listening to the radio. He was reviewing the day in his head, thinking about what he should have the kids practice for the next day. Somehow, his brain managed to start thinking of Takeda. For some reason, Takeda reminded him a lot of the guy Ukai first dated. Sweet, smart, persuasive, passionate, cute- 

Wait, did he just call Takeda “cute”? No, of course not, Ukai doesn’t find Takeda “cute” at all, that would be weird to think that about a colleague. What about Takeda was even cute?

Well, a lot of things, honestly. The way he smiles, his messy hair, his eyes that always seem to be sparkling, the way he watches the kids with pride, the look on his face when he talks about literature, the way his big glasses sit on his face, the speeches he gives the team at the end of practices and matches- wait. God, no, this can’t be happening. No, Ukai does NOT have a crush on Takeda. There’s no way. Ukai pulled over on the side of the deserted road, collecting his thoughts. 

What does this mean for the team? Will this interfere with their performance at games. If Ukai ever ends up asking out Takeda and he isn’t interested, would that make the team crumble? Just imagining Takeda hating him made Ukai almost cry. Plus, Takeda could have a fucking wife already, he doesn’t know. Takeda doesn’t talk about his personal life much, so for all Ukai knew he could have children already. He was older than him, so he probably already made a life for himself. Ukai decided he would just wait until his crush went away, and started driving again. 

Ukai walked into the gym the next day, anxious about seeing Takeda. Not so lucky for him, Takeda was already there, and waiting for him too. Fuck, he didn’t think he’d be this nervous about talking to him after his discovery last night. He wiped his sweaty palms on his joggers before walking up to Takeda. 

“Ukai-kun, hi! I was looking for you everywhere! Anyway, guess what?” Takeda asked excitedly, bouncing on the balls of his feet. He had that stupidly adorable look in his eyes whenever he was really looking forward to something. Wow, this would be harder than he thought. 

“What is it?” Ukai asked, putting his hands in his jacket. 

“I got us a practice match with Nekoma for next week! Isn’t that exciting?” Takeda exclaimed, waving his arms around. 

“Yeah, uh, it’s gonna be great!” Ukai said back, attempting to hide the blush that was appearing on his face. Apparently, that wasn’t working. 

“Ukai-kun, are you feeling alright?” Takeda asked, concerned. 

“Oh yes I’m totally fine, thanks though!” Ukai laughed nervously, rubbing his neck. Takeda frowned and nodded. 

“Okay, well if you ever feel sick, you don’t need to come to practice. Don’t push yourself” Ukai nodded and then took his place next to him. 

God, it was so hard to just stand there next to Takeda, pretending he wasn’t totally flustered. Takeda was so cute without even realizing it, and he made Ukai go crazy. His head was reeling, he was barely paying attention to the kids, he looked as if he were staring into space. 

At the end of practice, Ukai was stopped by Takeda. 

“Hey, Ukai-kun, are you sure you’re alright? You were spacing out at practice the whole time, I just want to make sure everything is okay with you,” Takeda took a deep breath and continued. “I care about you, you know, and I don’t want you to pretend to be okay if you aren’t.” 

Ukai’s heart almost stopped. He might just be overthinking everything, but the “I care about you” comment made him weak at the knees. 

“Oh, uh, yeah I’m okay, but I swear I’ll come to you if anything does happen.” Ukai said. Takeda nodded and walked away. Takeda still had that concerned look on his face, however Ukai assumed Takeda probably didn’t want to push Ukai. 

While in the car, Ukai thought more about his situation with Takeda. Ukai absolutely hated this situation, it felt like lies upon lies. He was lying about being straight, he was lying about not being totally head-over-heels for Takeda, and he was lying about being okay as well. A lot of the time, people end up doing or being the thing they hate the most. The same thing was happening to Ukai. 

He was a liar.


	2. Boost of Confidence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ukai yearns a bit, then somehow gains enough confidence to ask Takeda on a not-really-date

Ukai realized there was a downside to having a huge crush on a man you have to constantly be around: you constantly want them. 

Ukai wanted to be with Takeda all the time, though it hurts his heart sometimes. He wanted to hold Takeda’s hand during practice. He wanted to be with Takeda during those sleepless nights grading papers. He wanted to talk with him. Laugh with him. Touch him. Everything. 

He laid in bed, imagining what it would be like if life was different. What if Ukai never took the coaching job? He’d be stuck at his mom’s shop, smoking and cleaning with no purpose in life. What if he confessed and he and Takeda started dating. Well, they’d probably have to do that in secret so that the team doesn’t find out. Anything other than that made Ukai a blushing mess. What if he confessed and Takeda hated him after that? Ukai would probably never recover. Takeda was so kind that Ukai would think the world was ending if he saw Takeda angry. What if Ukai never even found out he wasn’t straight in the first place? Smoking and cleaning like usual, probably. 

Finding purpose in love was probably a stupid move for him. If something goes wrong, everything will go to hell. 

He switched on his phone and scrolled away, hoping to distract his mind. He needed a lot of distractions now, as a way of taking a break from his brain. He even switched on music to relax, which apparently backfired since he ended up relating the songs to Takeda. 

He must have fallen asleep at some point, since he woke up in his bed with his phone next to him, earbuds in. He rubbed his eyes and got ready for the day, preparing to go to practice in the afternoon. And to see Takeda. 

Whilst getting ready, he was thinking of ways to possibly ask Takeda out on a date. Not right away, of course, but sometime in the future. It’s at least fun to hope, right? Ukai reviewed ways to ask him without making it obvious that he liked him. 

‘Hey, you wanna get coffee sometime?’ No, that’s the classic way of asking someone on a date, Takeda would immediately say no. ‘Want to go out to the bar with some friends of mine?’ Nope, absolutely not. Ukai doesn’t even know if Takeda drinks or not, much less if he would like Ukai’s friends. Plus, asking him to hang out with friends could seem like trying to friendzone him. 

Suddenly, Ukai got the greatest idea. What if he asked Takeda to help him with volleyball plans over dinner or something? That would be an ideal situation, since they’re doing something together while still having the opportunity to communicate. Not to mention, food was always a plus. Ukai then realized he would need to think of something to plan out with Takeda. Whatever, he could probably figure out something soon. 

With a new pep to his step, Ukai made it to practice on time and lively. Takeda smiled at him as he walked through the doors, and they assumed their regular position at the side of the gym. Ukai paid attention to the entire practice, instructing them on different techniques and conducting various drills. Man, with this energy, Ukai could probably ask him out today. 

At the end of practice, a bit of small-talk started up between Takeda and Ukai. Ukai was screaming at himself to finally ask, searching for the perfect moment to mention it. 

“Oh, by the way Takeda-sensei, I was wondering if you’d like to go with me to dinner this weekend? I have some strategies and stuff I’d like to discuss with you to see how they’d work.” Ukai somehow maintained the calm exterior, but on the inside he was shrieking like a fan-girl. Hold up, was Ukai imagining things or was Takeda blushing slightly?

“Yeah, that’d be alright, sure! We definitely need to test out different stuff at the practice match next week.” Takeda beamed. 

They agreed on a time and date and said their goodbyes, closing up the gym. Ukai was sort of in shock, he was in such a state of confidence that he completely disregarded the ‘sometime in the future’ part of the plan. But maybe this was like ripping off a band-aid, the quicker you rip it off the better?

Ukai returned to his bed, still in disbelief of the day. He was actually going on a date with Takeda, though it wasn’t exactly a date. Just a discussion. Alone. Over dinner. Yeah, it was a bit of a date. He fell asleep peacefully that day, impatient for the dinner that would happen days from now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the short chapter, i wrote this at like 3am so i didn’t have many brain cells yet. if you’re interested (which you’re probably not), i got the idea for this fic from the song “bad liar” by imagine dragons.


	3. A Somewhat Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ukai takes Takeda on their “date”, though it’s supposed to be about volleyball, and something else decides to happen...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> very tiny chapter because i liked where it cut off-

Ukai was restless for the remaining days of the school week. He had everything already planned out, he even had his outfit set out on his dresser. Finally the day came, the day where he could spend his day with the guy he had a massive crush on. 

It was only until he got in his car to drive to the restaurant that the nerves really got to him. Oh god, he was gonna embarrass himself at dinner. What if the way he eats is weird? That question doesn’t really make sense, but it made Ukai’s anticipation turn into minor dread. He continued down the way to the restaurant, unable to turn back now. 

When he entered the parking lot, he noticed Takeda waiting out by the entrance. Hopefully he didn’t make him wait too long, or else he would be a total jerk. 

He walked up to the entrance to meet up with Takeda, fiddling with his hands since he didn’t know exactly what to do with them. 

“Hey, Specks, sorry if I made you wait long.” Ukai hesitated a bit after saying ‘Specks’, hopefully he didn’t sound too laid back or rude. 

“Oh, no, don’t worry. I got here early, so you’re actually just on time.” He smiled and turned to look at the doors awaiting them. “Wanna head in?” 

“Yes, please.”

They took a table, ordered food and drinks, and started discussing the new strategies (Mind you, Ukai only made them up so that he would actually have something to talk about at the dinner) and soon the conversation shifted to more regular small talk. With every passing minute, the two got more and more relaxed with each other, chatting up a storm. Ukai’s nerves all went away, leaving him with nothing but pure excitement. Takeda seemed to be having a great time too, laughing like crazy. 

“So, Specks, when do you wanna leave? Don’t you have a wife to go home to or something?” Ukai asked. Takeda chuckled at that, taking a sip of water. 

“Nope, I don’t have a wife. Not really interested in one, you know?” That made Ukai’s mind race. Not interested? Does this mean Ukai has a chance? Ukai nodded and continued with their convo, silently cheering in a possible victory. 

Takeda and Ukai paid their bill and left, Ukai walking Takeda to his car. Before he could get in, Takeda turned and faced Ukai. 

“Hey,” He said, mumbling a bit. “Do you think we could do this another time? Not for volleyball plans, but just cause this was really fun. Is that alright?”   
.  
.  
.  
What.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the first chapter where ukai calls takeda “specks” and that’s because i legitimately forgot that was something he called him lmao


	4. Game of Minor Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ukai and Takeda’s “dates” grow more frequent while the practice match with Nekoma begins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI IM SO SORRY FOR BEING GONE IM STRESSED AS HELL FROM SCHOOL KSBSJDV

Ukai’s mind was basically short-circuited. He stood there for a moment in shock, then realized he looked stupid and responded. 

“Yeah, of course!” Maybe he should have toned down the excitement in his voice, but he didn’t care. Takeda had fun with him! Fuck, he felt like a stupid, giddy teenager again, excited that his crush gave him even the slightest attention. 

Takeda smiled and nodded, jumping into his car and waving goodbye. Ukai watched him leave in a content trance, like he was under a love spell or something. Walking back to his car, he replayed that conversation over and over again, his heart all warm and fuzzy. Ukai was so lost in thought that he pretty much walked into his car. 

Once Ukai made it home, he searched through his closet in order to find another outfit to put out. Takeda and Ukai had planned out another date and time over text (Ukai and Takeda had each other’s numbers already, cause you know, colleagues) 

Then, like always, doubts came to his head. Doubts always seem to creep in somehow, like a minor crack that lets in a flood of emotions. Ukai wasn’t good enough for Takeda, who was he kidding? Ukai looked like a full fledged delinquent while Takeda was perfect in every single way. Takeda also probably had ways to easily describe his emotions so that he wasn’t constantly drowning in them like Ukai, since he was a teacher. Ukai wasn’t enough, plain and simple. 

But then Ukai remembered that it was Takeda who initiated the second “date”, so he obviously had to enjoy his company. What if it was all in his head, though? Ugh, sometimes he really hated his brain. 

——————————————

Ukai and Takeda went on a few “dates” after that, hanging out at different restaurants. Time felt like it was going by so quickly that they barely realized that their practice match with Nekoma had arrived. 

“Good morning everyone! I hope you all had a good rest last night and are ready for the practice game with Nekoma!” Takeda announced, greeting them outside the bus. 

“Now get on that bus and wake up a bit!” Ukai added, ushering them onto the vehicle. Ukai then took the drivers seat while Takeda took the passenger seat. 

The bus ride was fairly quiet, since everyone was either very tired or attempting not to wake anyone up. Except for Hinata and Kageyama, of course, who seemed to be fighting about something relatively useless. Ukai definitely missed this, supervising the students as if they were his own children. He was at peace from his constant doubts and angst, and felt like he could do anything. He was grateful he even took the coaching position in the first place, since he doubted he’d have this kind of happiness otherwise. 

Soon they made it to Tokyo, loading the now not-so tired students off the bus. Tanaka made a beeline for Yamamoto, initiating a tearful reunion. 

Hinata ran up to Kenma, who actually paid attention instead of focusing on his game. 

Daichi and Kuroo shook hands passive aggressively, smiling while also looking like they wanted to go at each other's necks.

Everything looked so normal, so in place. 

Takeda moved next to Ukai, surveying the kids with the same content smile. 

“They all look so happy, don’t they?” Takeda asked. 

“This team is a rival team, of course, but they’re all family in some way.” Ukai and Takeda then walked inside to the gym where they prepared for a match. 

They started the game, with Nekoma serving. Everything was happening the way it usually does in a match: Kageyama giving his sets to Hinata, Asahi making his ace-worthy spikes, and Yamaguchi making his jump float serves. Everything seemed to be working smoothly, we had a chance of winning. 

At the end of the game, we got a very long, ongoing deuce. Our team and Nekoma gave everything they got to end the game. The energy was so tense, Takeda grabbed Ukai’s hand in anticipation. 

Ukai barely noticed, and neither did Takeda. They were heavily focused on the game. Kiyoko, however, noticed and wrote it in her notebook. Keeping it so that she could prove it actually happened, probably. 

Nekoma made the final point. It was kind of inevitable, our players were still not as good of a team as them. They both realized that Takeda was still gripping Ukai’s hand, and then blush coming off both of them could be seen from a mile away. 

“Oh, I’m so sorry! It was an accident, I won’t do it again-” Ukai decided to actually use the confidence that he looks like he has. 

“No, no, It’s okay, I don’t mind.” Ukai smiled. He got up and helped up Takeda, walking with him to greet his tired team. 

Ukai and Takeda talked with them teams, Takeda giving his meaningful, poetic speeches and Ukai refraining from making a reference to something not school-appropriate. 

Karasuno made their way to the buses, saying goodbye to Nekoma. They watched from their bus windows as they left the city and made their way to the country. Takeda stole small glances at Ukai, still embarrassed about the hand-holding that happened. Ukai tried to make it seem like he wasn’t thinking about it, but Ukai’s head was going wild. 

They made it to their school, unloading the bus. They said goodnight, leaving to go to their own homes. Ukai got in his car and drove to his house. His hand felt cold, without anyone to hold it. How could someone fall this hard after only a week? 

Takeda ended up texting Ukai after practice, apologizing again for holding his hand. 

_Hey, Ukai-kun. I’m sorry again for holding your hand at the game today, it was wrong of me._

Ukai chuckled a bit. Nothing Takeda could do would be “wrong”. 

_Nah, Specks, it’s okay. I don’t mind at all._

Ukai took a deep breath and thought. Would this be a good time to say he liked it? It was over text, after all, so it was easier. Ukai decided that it wouldn’t hurt to shoot his shot, except it probably would hurt if it went south. 

_It was really nice, actually._

Okay, didn’t exactly say that he enjoyed it because he liked him, but still close. Still made Ukai’s heart pound like crazy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you might have noticed, but the minor angst that happened in the earlier chapters no longer happens. that’s cause i ✨simply forgot to add it✨ and i like writing fluff better. i promise some more stuff will happen soon!


	5. Author’s Note

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a little authors note that you can skip if you want, i just wanted to address some stuff before we move on :))

Hey, y’all, kiribakukinnie here. I just wanted to say that I’m sorry if my updates aren’t very consistent. I have issues with keeping myself motivated to write, and i also am busy with school and other things. I don’t exactly have a plan for where this story is going, I just know how it will end. So on top of not having time or energy to write, i also have to come up with a whole chapter. I just wanted y’all to know that I’m not going to be very consistent lol. 

Another thing I’d like to talk about is how thankful I am for you guys. I only recently started posting fanfics and seeing that people like them really makes my day. Literally every time i see that people like my work it warms my heart. I’m grateful for every kudos and comment i get. I constantly worry that people think my stuff is stupid or poorly written, so seeing that even one person likes my stuff is so cool. 

I’d also like to apologize if my work feels rushed or if it’s poorly written. Just so y’all know, I am basing Ukai’s thoughts off of my own. For backstory i have a girlfriend, and once i realized I liked her, I constantly thought about her. All of Ukai’s thoughts, including his doubts, have been ones I’ve thought myself. So, yeah, it happens I guess. I only used to write as a hobby before this, so I don’t have any real experience writing stuff. I’m open to criticism!

Thank you all so much, this means so much to me. 

-kiribakukinnie

**Author's Note:**

> pining is honestly my thing since i did that for literally four years sksndjdb, also wow i really love the third-person limited perspective


End file.
